Idea Patch

Check High Speed Police Chase Off the Bucket List

2012-02-06T18:24:00.001-08:00

Lost in Translation: An After Dinner Halls Cough Drop Anyone?

2012-02-04T12:59:00.001-08:00

Today I went to lunch at Spicy Corea, a Korean Restaurant in Provo, Utah. In Korea it is customary for the restauranteur to give you a little mint or candy with your bill. Forget that. How about a little Hall's cough drop with your dinner instead? Mm Mm good. I just love menthol with garlic and red pepper.

Wong to Yick

2012-02-03T16:35:00.001-08:00

Wow! Everything from Wong to Yick all in the same bottle... Just what I needed.

More Kindergarten Trauma

2012-01-24T18:06:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure what they are teaching in school these days... Tonight my kindergartener was all excited when I got home. "Dad! Dad! Dad!" She exclaimed as I walked in the door. "Yes sweetie... What is it?" Her reply: "We can't kiss dogs because they lick their butts!"

"Hmmm. Yes dear. That is true. Ummmm. Good to see you too."

You wouldn't believe the morning I've had.

2012-01-14T10:10:00.001-08:00

I'm confused. Wait maybe I'm not.

Having a mid-life crisis can be fun

2012-01-09T22:02:00.001-08:00

http://youtu.be/c7Mw-1ECv9Q

As I said, this blog is dedicated to the funny stuff…

Cherry 7UP Antioxidant

2012-01-04T10:01:00.001-08:00

And to think this whole time I've been holding back unnecessarily... Thanks to the wonderful antioxidant health benefits of this amazing product, I am restrained no more.

As you can see this is an empty bottle of Cherry 7UP Antioxidant.

More Whole Grain Than Any Other Ingredient

2011-12-31T18:04:00.001-08:00

And after eating a diet rich in Lucky Charms your backside will be more than any other body part...

2011-12-29T10:03:00.001-08:00

What the VERY heck?

It’s interesting to see my five year old, Summer, learn new words. Although I have no idea where she picks up some of the phrases she repeats. For the last couple of weeks she has been infatuated with “What the heck.” It started out as “What the...?” and continued in that format for some time. Fortunately she added “heck.” Otherwise I worry a casual listener would assume she heard the more obvious conclusion to that phrase from yours truly – which let me assure you was definitely not the case. As my wife will certainly attest - I never swear.

Mom: “Time to get ready for school.”

Summer: “What the...?”

Me: “Do you want me to read you a story?”

Summer: “What the...?”

Sister: “Want me to help you pick out your clothes?”

Summer: “What the heck?”

Summer looking at her food: “What the heck?”

Me: “I love you Summer.”

Summer: “What the heck?”

Well, we all know that language usage evolves. Today Summer apparently wanted to add yet additional emphasis to the phrase:

Summer standing in front of the DVD player trying to figure out how to play a movie: “What the VERY heck.”

2011-12-22T14:14:00.000-08:00

Broiled Mexican Whites

So I’ve heard things can be a little tense in Mexico for güeros or blancos - Mexicans of the lighter variety usually because of European descent. (Nacho Libre is a blanco).

I went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch today… I'll think twice before wearing stretchy pants next time I'm in Mexico.

Born Naked? More Kindergarten Trauma

2011-12-06T17:28:00.001-08:00

My five year old experienced untold trauma again this week. She asked my wife what color of clothes she was wearing when she was born. (I really wonder what must have prompted this thought in a kindergartener mind, but I digress...) My wife said, "Oh do you mean what clothes we dressed you in after you were born sweetie?" Her reply: "No. What color of clothes was I wearing when I came out of your tummy?" After a little pause my wife responded, "Sweetie pie, you were born naked."

Well this much is clear. The look on my daughter's face was a cross between pure disbelief and disgust that a mother would dare joke about something like that. "NO I WASN'T!" She insisted. "I was wearing underwear and jammies. Now what color were they?"

At this point what is a parent to say? "Pink. They were pink dear."

2011-11-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

Dog Shoots Man

Wow. Better make sure Fido gets a bone for Christmas… Don't want an upset pooch. Could get ugly.

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=18299091&title=dog-shoots-man

Elevated Toilet Seat - Just in case

2011-11-25T15:47:00.001-08:00

Definitely don’t pay full price if you need one! (And it’s from a smoke free home).

The New SelectHealth Insurance Plan

2011-11-17T16:22:00.001-08:00

We had our annual company health insurance open enrollment meeting today.

So I sorta anticipated a few changes... I guess I just didn't expect my health insurance coverage next year would be 4 bandages. :-)

Wedding Dress - Only Been Worn Twice!

2011-11-15T17:43:00.001-08:00

Hey, third time’s a charm!
Why not hold on to it and give it one more try? J

Occupy Wall Street? Occupy Salt Lake City? Occupy Oakland?

2011-10-27T16:24:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the Original Occupy Movement.

When you really gotta go there is no more beautiful sight!

It Is Drivable and Running!

2011-10-11T13:17:00.001-07:00

If you’re short this might just be your ticket. Bumpers and undercarriage are all fine too!

Attend Health Fair Get a Free Snow Cone!

2011-09-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

... and maybe later the Heber Valley Medical Center will give you a discount on lap band surgery, a tummy tuck, nutrition counseling, or maybe even a buy one get one free deal on insulin injections.

Kindergarten Trauma

2011-09-18T20:56:00.001-07:00

My daughter started kindergarten two weeks ago. One day this week she woke up and said she didn't want to go school. After a few objections she went anyway. The next day she repeated this behavior. The third day she cried and cried and said that she just didn't want to go to school anymore.

My wife and I were worried the teacher or some other kids may have been mistreating my daughter. After some coaxing my wife went to school with my daughter, met with her teacher, and learned the the reason for her trauma: apparently her class had been coloring and cutting pictures and she didn't like cutting straight lines...

I hope we can make it through this...

The Remote Control Comes With 2 AAA Batteries!

2011-09-02T19:40:00.001-07:00

And . . . it is Medically Approved!

Old or New?

2011-08-17T18:48:00.001-07:00

We were chatting at dinner and my teenage daughter brought up how she thought her 17 year old friend was, "so old." My five year old daughter piped in, "Dad, are you old or new?" Well sweetie, that all depends...

Do Not Sit On Fence

2011-08-17T16:46:00.001-07:00

And chances are the guy who would sit on a sharp point probably can't read...

If Necessity Really is the Mother of Invention

2011-08-10T20:47:00.001-07:00

...then ugliness must certainly be a close cousin.

I was reading Popular Science and came across this ad. All I can say is that with a name and a face like that I can see the inspiration to turn to science to get a little more affection from the men folk.

Walmart not coming to Heber City!

2011-08-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

Whew! It's official. I read it in the Wasatch Wave so it must be true! No more worrying about Walmart destroying all the small businesses in Heber City. They have apparently decided to open a store in Herber City, Utah instead.

P.S. By the way, I've heard that Walmart promotes heavily from within, believes in on-the-job training and isn't too keen on formal education. I'm sure those are just crazy rumors.

HO-MADE PIES

2011-08-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

I'm traveling with my 7 year old boy Kai and we happen to visit the Thunderbird Restaurant in Mt. Carmel Junction, Utah. He looks at this sign and laughs... "Dad, can you believe they mis-spelled 'home made'? I learned that in first grade."

2011-07-12T18:27:00.001-07:00

When was the last time you had a good night's rest?

Well, funny thing you should ask. It was actually June 13, 2011 -- the day before R.C. Willey delivered my new $1,600 Serta "Perfect Sleeper" mattress. (Gotta love that name… I haven't had a "perfect" night's sleep since I received it).

Sometimes the irony of life makes me laugh. I received the advertisement pictured above in the mail today. RC Willey delivered my new mattress on June 14th and my back has been horribly painful ever since.

July 14, 2011 Follow up: In accordance with RC Willey's mattress exchange policy, after spending at least 30 nights on the mattress (notice I did not use the word "sleep" which there was not much of during that miserable 30 night period) I paid a 10% restocking fee and exchanged the mattress for another one. RC Willey didn't give me a hard time, but they wouldn't let me exchange the mattress any earlier either... Long story short, I have a new-new mattress (A Simmons Beauty Rest this time). I put a 2.5" memory foam topper from Bed Bath & Beyond on it and I sleep great now!

The Difference at Wasatch Mountain State Park Golf Course

2011-06-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

I knew Wasatch Mountain State Park Golf Course was different, but I didn't really get it until I read the menu at the clubhouse today...

Of Shapes and Men

2011-05-22T18:42:00.001-07:00

I love the innocence of little children. Today I asked my four year old daughter what she wants to be when she grows up. Her answer: "I want to be a hexagon when I grow up dad because they have six sides." Well. Ummm. Ok. I just hope the hexagon job market is going a little better by the time you graduate sweetie.

2011-02-11T19:04:00.001-08:00

PRK vs. LASIK and My PRK Experience

On December 23, 2010 I visited Dr. Jeff Mellor at the LASIK Vision Institute of Utah. After an examination which included dilating my eyes, he indicated that I was a good candidate for either LASIK or PRK. I had heard a little about PRK because my friend and brother-in-law both had it done a few years ago at Hoopes Vision. From what they said, PRK was quite painful and I wasn't anxious to put myself through that. By contrast many of the people I knew that had done LASIK said they could immediately see, had little pain, and it was the best money they had ever spent. Basically, I really didn't want to hear much about the PRK option, but thanks to Google I did a little research and actually changed my mind - opting for PRK instead.

Because of thin corneas a person that may not be a good candidate for LASIK may still be a good candidate for PRK. Despite being a good candidate for LASIK some people may elect to undergo PRK instead due to certain advantages. Such was my case.

With LASIK a surgeon uses a specialized blade called a microkeratome to cut a flap in the cornea approximately 150 microns thick. The corneal flap is lifted up and an excimer laser is used to re-shape the cornea and then the flap is replaced. However, the flap never really completely heals and may be re-lifted years later to perform touch up correction if necessary. Initially that may seem like a good thing. However, since the corneal flap associated with LASIK never really heals it also poses some risk in the event of future trauma to the eye. For these reasons, PRK is the only laser eye correction procedure approved for U.S. Special Forces and Naval aviators. PRK is also generally recommended over LASIK for people with a more active lifestyle including firefighters and police.

With PRK no flap is cut in the cornea. Instead, the surgeon uses a diluted alcohol solution or other mechanical instrument to remove a thin epithelial layer of the cornea and then applies the excimer laser directly to the cornea. In other words, the epithelial layer of the cornea must heal itself - in essence re-grow.

Since there is no flap cut in the cornea PRK boasts a number of possible advantages over LASIK including:

PRK is slightly safer than LASIK because there are no flap related complications during immediate healing.
PRK has a lower re-treatment rate than LASIK. (1-2% for PRK vs. 5-10% for LASIK) (I think this might be because people are less likely to seek re-treatment for the reasons below).
PRK patients endure less post-operative glare than LASIK.
PRK has less risk of dry eye syndrome because there is no cutting of corneal sensory nerves.
At least one study showed that custom PRK patients generally attain better visual acuity than custom LASIK patients at one year. This is arguably because with PRK there is no cutting of the cornea and the eyeball better maintains its structure and shape over time. Indeed, LASIK patients are more likely to develop ectasia (protruding of the cornea - due loss of structure related to cutting of the cornea) than PRK patients.

So that's the possible upside with PRK. Now for the downside:

PRK can be extremely painful for 48-72 hours.
PRK has a much longer recovery period. Just how long is very dependent on the person.
The PRK recovery period can be mental torture (see below).
Return of visual acuity following PRK can take a very LONG time.

Okay, so here's my experience:

Prior to treatment my prescription was -3.75 in both eyes with a slight astigmatism. In other words, I couldn't see myself in a mirror without glasses unless I was about 4 inches away. I had worn glasses for 25 years and was simply fed up with them.

I tried wearing contacts a few different times, but never really liked them. Snow skiing with goggles that fit over prescription glasses was a pain. Water-skiing blind was a joke - always having to "feel" for the wake. I used to play soccer, but gave up after getting my glasses knocked off one too many times. Playing volleyball and catching a spike in the glasses was not only painful but very expensive (only did that a couple of times). Running with glasses was impossible. My glasses would bounce up and down and sweat would often run onto the lenses and make them impossible to see through. If I tried running during winter and my breath would blow back in my face my lenses would fog and freeze over. Wearing glasses in the winter was a pain anyway because whenever I would go into a warm building they immediately fogged up and I couldn't see.

(My blog is supposed to be funny, so I must digress for a little story... My wife is originally from South Korea. Despite living in the United States for many years she still has a slight accent. One winter day I came inside our nice warm house and my glasses fogged up. My cute wife looked at me and said, "Hey, you're all fu&^ed up!")

Well, on December 27, 2010 I threw caution, reason, and $2500 to the wind and Dr. Gordon Jensen, M.D. at the LASIK Vision Institute performed PRK on me.

Dr. Jensen put some instrument in my eye to hold my eyelid open, put a couple of drops of alcohol in my right eye, and brushed away the epithelial layer of my cornea. Then he had me look at a flashing light, told me to hold still, and he turned the laser on for 27 seconds. Next he did my left eye. The entire surgery only took about 3 minutes start to finish. The worst part of it was when everything went black when Dr. Jensen put a sponge soaked in Mytomicin-C on each eye for a few seconds. He placed a protective contact lens in each eye and I was done.

(Day 1) Immediately following the surgery I couldn't feel any pain. I could sort of see. At least I looked over and saw my wife waiting for me. Being able to see didn't last long though because starting a few hours later I couldn't open my eyes at all for about four days.

Unlike the experience my friend and brother-in-law had, I didn't actually experience much pain during the recovery period. Rather, my body felt sort of achy - like I had the flu. However, my eyes were extremely sensitive to light. I have a very large walk-in closet with no windows so I took a twin bed in there and stayed there for 4 days straight. Even with the lights turned off and my eyes closed the light that would show through around the door frame was too bright for me.

(Day 2) The day after my surgery I went back for my follow up visit, but I couldn't even open my eyes. Dr. Mellor had to pry them open to see if things went okay. My eyes were constantly tearing and I felt miserable. While I was at the appointment a girl that had LASIK the same day I had PRK was there for her follow up visit and I could hear (I couldn't open my eyes remember) her exclaiming how happy she was because she now had 20/15 vision! This was the first time that I started to wonder what I had done and whether I had made the right choice.

(Day 4) I had to put drops in each eye every hour and I could barely force my open to do so. Two days later I went back to have the protective contacts removed and for the few seconds I could bear to open my eyes my vision was terrible. On the Snellen eye chart I could see the large E and two letters on the second line. As an aside I couldn't have kept those contacts in for another hour due to pure discomfort and by this time I really started to worry I had made the wrong choice.

(Day 5) New years eve was the follow day and I had front row seats to a Jewel concert in Park City. I paid $150 each for the tickets. (I really like Jewel). And ironically, I could not even see her. She was just a blond blur. I couldn't even see if she was pretty in person.

(Day 7) On the morning of January 2, I could sort of see the 20/30 line on a Snellen eye chart, but everything was very blurry. A couple of hours later I could barely see the first line. The following day (Day 8) I could see a very blurry 20/25 line on the eye chart. By that night I couldn't even see the top line again.

Trying to work was next to impossible. I put my monitor resolution on giant, but I could only see the screen for an hour or so at a time. Then everything would turn gray and ghost over. I had expected that my vision would gradually improve each day, but that was definitely not the case. Some times - just a few moments really usually after I put eye drops in each eye - I could see somewhat better. Other days my vision would be bad all day. It seemed the good vision moments were far and few between and the bad vision days dragged on and on.

It was during this time that I seriously began to question what I had done. At night car lights looked like stars and street lights were surrounded by huge halos. Colored lights (such as tail lights or traffic lights) were particularly difficult - usually surrounded by halos and double vision. The daily fluctuation of vision started to take a toll and I could feel myself starting to slip into a sort of depression. I could see perfectly clearly before I had opted for PRK - albeit with glasses, but now I couldn't see anything. As time went on I pretty much consigned myself to the fact that the doctor must have certainly messed up. I beat myself up pretty good for going to the "discount" place instead of going to Hoopes Vision.

Fortunately I came across a post on the internet that went something like this: "With PRK first you freak out, then you get used to it, and finally you're amazed."

This went on and on and indeed, I started to get used to it. I had pretty much lost all hope of seeing 20/20 and had consigned myself to a nearly certain future "touch up" procedure. Although in all honesty I don't think I could endure another PRK "touch up" procedure because of the mental aspects.

Fortunately, on day 37 I woke up and noticed that I could see things a little more clearly than I could other days. This progression continued each following day. On day 41 I had a follow up eye appointment and I was surprised that I could read the 20/20 line perfectly! Dr. Mellor showed me the 20/15 line and I could even read half of the letters. Since my last appointment my vision seems to get more crisp and clear each day. On my unofficial Snellen eye chart at home I can see the 20/15 line perfectly now.

Even though I can now see perfectly, I have noticed a few unanticipated side effects:

My vision still fluctuates - mostly at night or when I'm tired - and it takes a few seconds to focus when I look up at something in the distance.
I see a large number of "floaters" or spots in my vision now (probably 6-10 per eye). I notice them more at certain times than others, but it is pretty freaky at times. Dr. Mellor doesn't think that PRK caused the floaters and spots, but that they are simply more noticeable now because the light refracts in my eye differently compared to when I wore glasses.
My eyes turned blue! Before PRK my eyes were sort of a light green - eve says so on my driver's license. However, my eyes are now quite blue. Very strange but true.

At the end of the day, the million dollar question: Would I do PRK again?

Honestly, maybe my answer will change over time, but right now I'm not sure I could do it again. The mental ups and downs were simply too hard for me. If I had it to do over I would probably choose intra-LASIK (all laser LASIK) instead. Because all laser LASIK cuts a much thinner flap than LASIK using a microkeratome blade some of the concerns regarding structure of the eyeball are lessened and the recovery time is certainly much faster.

But hey! I can see!

Update December, 2011: At my 1 year follow up appointment I missed two letters on the 20/15 line with my right eye. In other words, I see great! Basically, my left eye sees 20/15 and my right eye sees between 20/15 and 20/20.

If Life Gives You Lemons

2010-11-30T10:29:00.001-08:00

...or a few cans of blue spray paint…

Got to Pray Just to Drive it Today

2010-11-15T11:31:00.000-08:00

Presented by the MC Hammer Southern Utah Driving School…

2010-10-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

Flirting

Yesterday we were chatting as a family and the topic of "flirting" came up. I'm not sure exactly how we arrived at that topic, but ever thinking six year old Kai piped in, "Oh, I know what flirting is dad." Oh really Kai? "Yes. Flirting is when girls talk to you in a sort of loving way." Yes buddy. I think you're onto something there... Please just stay away from those girls that talk in a "loving way" for a while, okay?

Verify First!

2010-08-07T06:01:00.001-07:00

So I went camping in Idaho recently. While driving the four hours to our destination I drank the equivalent of a 128 ounce Double Super Big Gulp. As we arrived at the campground my wife and kids were anxious to set up our tent trailer, so despite a certain desire to "visit the gents" as my English friend says, I went to work setting up the trailer. My good buddy, six year old Kai couldn't stick around and headed off to the restroom.

By the time I was finished with the trailer, nature was making an emergency 911 call, so I quickly ran to the nearest campground restroom. I was in such a hurry that as soon as I saw the "woman" icon on one door I automatically headed to the other door. I paused for a second as I briefly glanced at a "beware of bears" sign on the door and dashed in. My brained computed "syntax error" for just a brief second when I noticed no urinals inside, but my bladder responded, "Hey, this is Idaho. They do things different here. Now get on with it already!" I noticed some Converse shoes under the first door so following the "unwritten rule of public bathrooms" I skipped a couple of stalls. While reversing the effects of the 128 ounce Double Super Big Gulp, I overheard a high pitch voice three stalls over say, "oh no, I think I lost my key" and my heart and all systems immediately stop! Oh 4#*?! Could I be?

I immediately stop all processes, dash out, and look at the door! I am in complete shock as I see ...

In disbelief and total embarrassment I wander back to my camp. Kai (who couldn't hold it while I was setting up the trailer) greets me and says, "Hey Dad. Isn't this a funny campground? They have two girl bathrooms. You have to go to the other side of the building to use the boy's."

Uh. Yeah. Thanks buddy. Could have been just a tad earlier with that advice son...

2010-04-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Neighborhood

This week we moved to a new home. After a week of moving we decided to reward our kids for their hard work by taking them swimming at the Kamas Pool. We jumped in the minivan (Yes, I have a minivan. No, I don't have any pride left) and I backed out of the garage only to nearly run over a man who somehow sneaked up behind my car wanting to introduce himself before we left. I rolled down the window on my wife's side of the minivan and reached across to shake his hand. At that very moment I noticed my wife was showing a rather liberal amount of cleavage in her "misadjusted" bathing suit. Ok, so at this point I'm thinking to myself: "Crap, I just about ran over my new neighbor and my wife just flashed him some cleavage. Can things get any worse?" He then leaned over and introduced himself as my new bishop...

KAMAS POO-L

2010-04-16T21:48:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I wish I would have seen this sign before I got into the pool…

To Be Five Again...

2010-03-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

Snobby Customers Beware!

2010-02-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

Better watch your tone with the cashiers!

All I Want for Christmas

2009-12-25T07:33:00.000-08:00

is Farties and Whips.

Oh Yes!

2009-12-18T15:55:00.000-08:00

Enjoy your happy times.

Will Your Wife Smile at Your Funeral?

2009-12-18T05:23:00.000-08:00

Finally got rid of the darn loser! Good riddance.

Woah! Don't Answer That Cell Phone!

2009-12-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

- St. George Zoning Department

A Momentary Lapse in Judgment

2009-12-04T07:46:00.000-08:00

8 plus 5 is 13, Dad!

2009-11-15T07:40:00.001-08:00

Yesterday my wife and I needed to go somewhere, but our thirteen year old daughter who usually babysits for us was gone. We were wondering what to do because our other kids are all younger when Kai chimed in: "Mimi's 8 and I'm 5. That makes 13 so we can stay by ourselves Dad." Good one buddy. I'll have to remember that line of reasoning when DCFS shows up...

Lawyers Call Fund Managers Honest

2009-11-07T05:30:00.001-08:00

Gotta love that headline!

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/content/mobile/705342792/Lawyers-call-fund-managers-honest.html

So Much for Dinner and a Movie...

2009-10-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

Although it now seems like a distant memory I remember a good Saturday night including dinner and a movie... Oh how kids change things! Last night I found myself in line at Redbox trying to rent a movie for one child and holding an enema in one hand for another child (my wife's "motherly instinct" says 5 days of no poo for a 3 year old is something to worry about. Good thing she's worrying about poo. I wouldn't want to have a household poo crisis or something). Let's just say dinner and a movie is much more fun than an enema and a movie... Not speaking from actual "personal" experience, of course...

You Know You're in a Small Town When...

2009-09-17T12:20:00.001-07:00

You advertise your yard sale at the local gas station and attach a descriptive suffix to your address:

Yard Sale
375 W. 175 N. (On Your Way To
The Green Boxes)
Panguitch, Ut

Now if I could only find those green boxes...

CTL - Choose the Left

2009-07-12T19:42:00.001-07:00

Always curious, Kai recently asked my wife what "CTR" stands for. My wife explained that in our church "CTR" stands for "Choose the Right." Kai paused for a second in deep thought and then replied, "Oh. I'm going to choose the left."

Biggest Loser...

2009-05-16T11:21:00.001-07:00

Recently my wife, who runs 20 miles a week and goes to the gym on the days she doesn't run, was lamenting about the after effects of having four kids. Always thinking, Kai piped in: "I know Mom! You can be on Biggest Loser and you can get a Biggest Loser shirt too." Uhmmm... Not gonna touch that one buddy.

Most, But Not All...

2009-05-11T06:45:00.001-07:00

Yesterday at church an 8 year old boy was asked to give a short talk. He began by saying, "I love my mom and most of my family..." Unfortunately, I was trying so hard not to laugh I don't know what he said after that.

2009-05-04T18:26:00.001-07:00

A Time to Laugh...

Sometimes the unique irony of life gives us great opportunities to pause, reflect and laugh.

My family and I moved to the Heber Valley in 2004 excited to experience small town life in such a beautiful place. Looking back, by and large our time here has been wonderful. We have found many sincere and generally opened minded people. We’ve made many new friends. We’ve fondly experienced the European charm of Midway and the western adventure of Heber City’s Cowboy Poetry Gathering and Buckaroo Fair. (Okay, so I’m exaggerating about the Buckaroo Fair portion. I’m not really much of a Buckaroo so I didn’t actually go to the Buckaroo Fair itself per se, but we did really like the Cowboy Poetry Gathering part, particularly the steak dinner night). We’ve logged many miles on the local outdoor trails and we’ve taken in the beautiful autumn splendor of the oak brush surrounding the valley. We’ve even survived the last two winters which old timers describe as a more “normal” sort, though if we have many more of these “normal” winters my sanity may begin to mirror my crumbling cement driveway. (No, the year 2004 was not a good vintage for cement driveways in the Heber Valley, but I digress).

Unfortunately though, I must admit that there is one minor incident that has always bothered me a bit – an incident that reminds me that even the Heber Valley isn’t immune from the foibles that often face humanity. Mentioning it is certainly not an indictment of the Heber Valley. Indeed, this incident could have occurred anywhere in the country. It just happened to have occurred here. I mention it only because I find a certain irony in it.

Not long after moving to the Heber Valley in 2004, my wife, who happens to have been born in South Korea, but has since become a United States Citizen (On the 4th of July, 2001 no less) visited one of the local grocery stores. While she was shopping, a group of teenage boys passed by and laughingly said, “There’s no sushi here!” They cracked themselves up pretty good, and they snickered all the way down the aisle as they left. Having also grown up in small town Utah and still being in touch with my inner first grader, when my wife told me of this incident, initially I too gave a little chuckle. Only one problem: my wife wasn’t laughing. I could tell that this racial insensitivity hurt her. I felt badly and wanted to find the teenage boys and perhaps share with them a few choice vocabulary words I remember hearing during my mining town upbringing. (My farmer friends tell me that such words would have been very effective in communicating with teenage boys because animals even understand such vocabulary, but I digress again). Fortunately, my wife didn’t let this incident affect her. She moved on and continued to embrace all the good in the Heber Valley. However, I’ve always remembered it – wishing somehow I could take it away or erase it from our experience here.

Call it Karma or whatever, but life has an interesting, ironic and sometimes funny way of dealing with incidents such as these. Today I visited the same grocery store where this incident happened in 2004. Outside the store a large sign announced the arrival of a new item: “SUSHI Made Fresh Daily At Seafood/Deli.” When I saw the sign I laughed. This time my wife laughed too.

2009-04-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

Please! Do Not Put Golf Balls Into Your Mouth...

Oh, and wear your shoes too. I hope you don't have any questions.

Oh Crap!

2009-04-22T12:05:00.001-07:00

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/content/mobile/1,5620,705298541,00.html

2009-04-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

Keep YOUR Dog Off
If you're walking your dog past 1131 West 650 South in Heber City, Utah please observe the sign.

Don't Complicate Things

2009-04-10T15:16:00.001-07:00

"Please do not break up 6 packs of soda. This complicates matters."

- Carter's Market, Enterprise, UT

2009-03-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

Honest Idol

We were watching American Idol tonight and Kelly Clarkson made a guest appearance performing a song from her new album. A few extra calories must have accompanied her success because always observant Kai sat up and said, "I like her singing even though her butt sticks out a little." Kai buddy... What can I say except that my life would suck without you.

2009-03-01T17:40:00.001-08:00

Uh, that didn't come out quite right...

Testimony Meeting is a monthly Mormon gathering generally held the first Sunday of each month in which any member may extemporaneously speak to the congregation on their own accord and express their heartfelt beliefs about the Gospel with the goal of building mutual faith. Though sometimes when people get up in front of the congregation you never quite know what's going to come out of their mouth. Today at the conclusion of his testimony, one gentleman remarked "And I just want to say that I like the Bishop, even though I know a lot of people don't..." The congregation laughed as the Bishop turned a bright shade of red...

2009-03-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

Funny Stuff...

There are all kinds of blogs out there. I've decided that the "serious" market segment is pretty much taken. I'm too serious in real life anyway, so I gotta move on. In real life I find myself cleaning up after the "optimists," (yeah, remember I am a lawyer... Optimists keep me in business) so I still gotta keep on going... "Reality" isn't all that interesting -- it just is what it is -- I just don't get that whole "Realty TV" oxymoron thing anyway. And I don't like "pessimists." Who wants to read "woismeandmylifereallysucks.blogspot.com" anyway? "Introspective" isn't my thing -- mostly because I'm afraid of what I might find. A check of a couple of blogs show that one is fully covered. Still moving on. My sister Tara has 100% marketshare of "bragging" blogs, so I still gotta keep going... What's a person to blog about?

Ah, but I do like blogging about funny things, particulary things I find irony in. I think I need to expand my blog to include some of the funny things I encounter in daily life. My first couple of posts:

(Proof they do indeed get all "Mavericky" in Arizona. A real intersection I saw in Phoenix during the 2008 Ragnar Relay Del Sol race from Wickenburg to Mesa).

Of course I want to be fair. Lest you think I only pick on Arizona conservatives:

(Just in case you want to know what a "liberal arts and the environment" education is worth -- at least at Prescott College anyway...) Picture is of a van of runners at the Ragnar Relay Del Sol 202 mile race from Prescott to Mesa on February 27, 2009 who had named their team "Super Heroes In Training." Ragnar relay races are a lot of fun and some people get into decorating their vans and wearing costumes. I'm just going to venture a guess that Public Relations and Branding aren't a part of the "liberal arts and the environment" curriculum at Prescott College... But hey, who needs Public Relations or Branding when you have Super Heroes In Training?

2009-02-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

An Evening At the Fireside...

Lest you think I only write about Kai, rest assured that his older sister Mimi has plenty of adventures too. Sunday evening Kai and Mimi's older sister went to her first "youth fireside." ("Fireside" is a Mormon phenomenon born of the belief that 3 hours of church is not nearly enough and is an endeavor to cram yet one more meeting into a Sunday. I think the term heralds back to a day in the distant past when the meetings were held literally near an actual fire). While I've never seen a fire at a fireside, I guess Mimi was expecting one. When her sister got home Mimi innocently asked her how many marshmallows she roasted at the fireside... Maybe if they roasted marshmallows at firesides they might get better turnout. I might even go myself.

2009-01-24T11:33:00.000-08:00

Just When You Think...

Just when you think that you must be raising a wild animal instead of a child they go and do something that makes you step back and wonder...

Yesterday as I arrived home from work Kai greeted me at the door and pulled a wadded up plastic bag from his pocket. Thrusting it toward me he said, "Dad. Dad. Look what I saved you from my play group today." Through the clear plastic bag I noticed a single rather mangled piece of red licorice. He stood there beaming as I accepted his playgroup spoils. I later found out that he had carefully guarded this loot for me all day - even putting off a tantilizing offer from his older sister to trade it for some Jolly Ranchers. Thanks buddy.

2009-01-05T18:36:00.000-08:00

Secret Agent Man

When I was a kid the phrase often successfully invoked to thwart one's siblings in their attempts to subvert authority was "I'm going to tell mom." Well, Kai is on his own path and seems to have taken things a new direction. Recently as his older sister was about to embark on a crusade of naughtiness he issued a warning: "You better not do that because I'm a secret agent."

2008-12-21T08:29:00.000-08:00

The Chocolate Christmas
(The Deseret News dropped the title...)

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,705272068,00.html

Without telling my wife beforehand I submitted a story about her childhood to a writing contest sponsored by the Deseret News. Well, all I can say is that I got lucky! They called me about a week ago and told me they would be publishing it on the 22nd. I was planning to watch for it in the paper tomorrow, but I happened to check the paper today and was surprised to see it on the front page! I definitely won't complain. I thought it was added luck that they chose this story for the Sunday edition. I wrapped up the paper and a Kit Kat bar and gave it to my wife with breakfast in bed today. I don't know what to do when women cry, but I think that meant she liked it...

2008-12-11T20:06:00.000-08:00

If a Little Salt is Good...

The other day my wife started making some Kimchi by adding salt to cabbage -- lots of cabbage (like an entire kitchen full). She realized she had to run to the grocery store for some additional ingredients so she dropped everything and left. While she was gone Kai noticed that she had started the Kimchi and decided to help her finish... (One of the benefits of working for a salt company is that we tend to have a lot of salt at home). "Good thing!" thought Kai's little four year old mind as he proceeded to help Mom by adding what can only be described as a "very liberal" amount of salt to the cabbage... and the counter... and the sink... and the chairs... and the floor...

2008-12-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

Super Introspective Blog Post - (An Ode to Bloggers who take themselves a little too seriously and think the rest of the world should too).

My feelings. Belabored point. Self Self Self. Point in passing. Rambling. Spiritual epiphany. Wow! More feelings. Me me me. Movie review. So and so actress (actor) is hot. More feelings.

Virtues. Patience. Rambling. Tears. Exactly! Love.

Devastation. Rambling. Tragedy. Belabored point. (Reader has a headache).

Lalala. Self Self Self. Can you imagine? Me too. Self justification.

Boredom. Anyway. Re-assert sentence 1. Me me me.

Done. Whew!

2008-11-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

This is Not America.

Kai hasn't said anything funny for a while and I started to worry that perhaps he had outgrown his funny stage. Today my fears were set aside. We were talking about places he might want to visit when he gets older and the possibility of going to Korea came up.

Kai replied, "Sure, but first I want to visit America." I paused and asked him where he lived. "Dad, this is Heber, not America."

Indeed, he may have a point there...

2008-11-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

Choose Only One Ma'am.

My wife received a call on November 7, 2008 at 4:33 p.m. and the Caller ID said "UTAH STATE GOVT 801- 521-6210" so out of curiosity she answered it. Mistake. Somehow she got talked into participating in a survey that would supposedly help the State make better decisions about Utah's CHIP (Children's Health Insurance Program) otherwise known as Medicaid/the breadline/charity/socialism/the dole. (That's easy. End it. But I digress...) Several minutes into the survey the caller asked her to identify her race and the race of her children. No problem. Asian for her. Asian-White for the kids. And that's where the simplicity ended and the difficulty began...

(Remember this is Utah).

"Sorry Ma'am. Which one best describes your children's race: White, Black, Asian, Hispanic...?"

"Yes. Asian-White."

"Sorry Ma'am. I need you to choose a race: White, Black, Asian, Hispanic..."

"Okay. Asian-White."

"Obviously I'm not communicating. You can only choose one race. Which is it? White, Black, Asian, Hispanic...?"

"Obviously I'm not communicating. I am Asian. My husband is White. My kids are Asian-White."

"That's not a choice. How would you best describe your children's race: White, Black, Asian, Hispanic...?"

"What do you mean that's not a choice? I am Asian. My husband is White. We chose to have kids. My kids are half. Half Asian. Half White. H-A-L-F."

"Okay. I'm sorry ma'am. You can only choose one race. Which is it?"

"I don't know. They're half. Is that a problem for you?"

"I'm sorry ma'am. You can only choose one race box on the survey form."

"I don't know. You pick one. Choose your favorite."

"I'm sorry ma'am."

And the survey caller finally decides to moves on...

My real question is why isn't "human" an option?

2008-11-05T20:55:00.001-08:00

Ayn Rand is Nuts... and Bizarre.

Sometimes ya gotta yield and embrace a little of your inner Peter Keating just to make it...

2008-11-02T14:57:00.001-08:00

Konnichiwa! There's No Sushi Here!

"Jerk!" That's how my otherwise gentle sweet (Korean born, now an American Citizen) wife responded to a teenager who sarcastically greeted her with "Konnichiwa" as we passed him in the grocery store parking lot last night.

It reminded us of an incident that my wife experienced when we first moved to Heber City four years ago. While shopping at the local grocery store some teenage boys passed by my wife and laughingly said "There's no sushi here..." They cracked themselves up pretty good, laughing all the way down the aisle as they left. Funny guys. Haha. Wish I would have thought of that one first! But then again, not everyone retains the ability to think like a first grader so long in life.

(Its interesting that both of these incidents happened at the grocery store, eh? Maybe grocery stores are magnets for racist idiots?)

2008-10-25T10:13:00.001-07:00

You Know You Live in Utah When:

A substitute teacher sends your half Asian 7 year old daughter home from school with the Spanish version of the school newsletter...

2008-09-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

Kai Adventures

Last week we were in the car on the way home from shopping somwhere and Kai leaned forward and said, "Dad, I know how to say slippers in Chinese." Oh really? "Yep. Toeshit," says Kai. Taken a bit back I pause... Oh, I see. You know Mom doesn't let me say words like that, but if you insist... "Yep Dad. It's toeshit." Oh...

2008-08-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

Kai Adventures

I arrived home from work today and Kai greeted me at the door with a big smile saying, "We beated the crap out of Dora today." (Hello to you too Kai...). As it turns out, Kai went to a little friend's Dora-themed birthday party today. Apparently a Dora shaped pinata was the center of the party (and a certain "crap beating" I guess).

2008-08-03T17:41:00.001-07:00

Kai Adventures

We were watching America's Funniest Videos this evening and one segment showed a couple of dogs playing in a swimming pool. Kai seemed a little puzzled and in all seriousness looked up and said, "I didn't know that dogs got baptized."

2008-07-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

Kai Adventures

Today Kai was sitting out on the porch with my wife and daughter when a hispanic family in our neighborhood arrived home from their church services. My daughter commented that she thought this family attended a different church than our family. Kai, who you will recall from my April 14, 2008 post, is presently convinced that he is Spanish, spoke up with matter of fact authority and said, "Yeah, they believe in the Spanish Jesus."

2008-07-24T13:06:00.000-07:00

A Kit-Kat Christmas Story

Here's a link to a Christmas Story I wrote some time ago about my wife's childhood:

http://www.storiesville.com/content/view/1394/65/

2008-07-01T17:32:00.001-07:00

Kai Adventures

Tonight we were talking during dinner and I asked Kai what he wants to be when he grows up. He thought for a moment and replied, "I usually want to be a dad, but I think I want to be a prophet." Trying not to laugh, I pressed for details. He paused, thought some more and said, "Actually, I want to be a dad, then a garbage man, then a firefighter, then a prophet, and then a grandpa."

2008-06-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

Great Running Songs

Tomorrow I'm running the crazy 180.5 mile Wasatch Back Ragnar Relay from Logan to Park City and thought it would be fun to compile a list of favorite running songs, so here they are in alphabetical order by artist:

Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started
Blondie - Call Me
C+C Music Factory - Gonna Make You Sweat (Okay, so my wife made me put that one on the list)
Chris Brown - Forever
Coldplay - Clocks
Crazy Frog - Get Ready for This
Darude - Sandstorm
Destiny's Child - Survivor
Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry
Finger Eleven - One Thing
Flock of Seagulls - I Ran
Guns N' Roses - Paradise City
Hit Crew - Around the World (La, la, la)
Hoobastank - Crawling in the Dark
INXS - What You Need
Jewel - Standing Still (Exactly how I feel when I'm running as fast as I can and some elite runner passes me)
Killers - Somebody Told Me
Kim Wild - You Keep Me Hangin' On
Led Zepplin - Black Dog
Moby - Extreme Ways
The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) (Because some races seem that long)
Ricky Martin - Livin' la Vida Loca (yet another victim of sharing an iTunes account with one's wife)
Rolling Stones - Paint It Black
Styx - Renegade
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
Technotronic - Pump Up the Jam (guess that one pretty much gives away my age, eh?)
U2 - Beautiful Day
U2 - Vertigo
Wallflowers - One Headlight
ZZ Top - Legs

2008-06-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

Adventures (Sorry, not Kai this week, but still funny):

Sunday at church I was asked to substitute teach a class of 9-10 year olds. After the lesson we had a few extra minutes so we decided to play a game. I explained that I would choose one child to leave the room for a minute and I would tell the rest of the kids a word that was supposed to strengthen faith. When the child that left the room came back in the rest of the children would give him hints and see if he could guess the word. I asked one boy to go out in the hall for a minute and I told the rest of the class that the word he was to guess was “obedience.” He came back in the classroom and the class proceeded to give him a couple of hints: “Doing what you’re told,” and “You do it over and over again.” He thought for a moment and then excitedly blurted out, “I know! I know! It’s Adultry!”

2008-05-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

Kai Adventures

Last week Kai was looking in the pantry and asked my wife if he could have a granola bar. She told him that we didn't have any. He insisted that we did and pointing to a container on the top shelf said, "Yes, we do. Right there - the one with Joseph Smith on it." He was pointing to a container of Quaker Oatmeal. Disney has Mickey mouse. Morton has the littel girl with the umbrella. Nike has Michael Jordan. And apparently Quaker Oats has Joseph Smith.

2008-05-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

Kai Adventures

This morning Kai brought a long lost toy he had found to me and said excitedly, "Look what I found in the crap." I was glad he found his toy, but had no idea what the "crap" was that he was referring to. After talking to my wife we figured out that the "crap" was really the "crack" between my desk and the wall in our bedroom. I wonder what else I could find in the crap, though I'm not sure I want to look...

2008-04-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

Kai Adventures

Despite numerous tries to show him otherwise, Kai is presently convinced he is Spanish. Not Mexican. Spanish. The fact that I am Caucasian American and my wife is Korean doesn't concern him in the least. We've talked to him for hours without any progress. Dora the Explorer apparently wields more influence on a three year old boy than his parents.

We were talking about the tragedy of the 7 year old Myanmar girl Hser Nay Moo that was recently murdered by her neighbor in Salt Lake. Not to take away from the horribleness of that tragedy, but Kai turned to us in all sincerety and said, "Because our neighbors didn't kill us they are nice, huh Mommy..." Indeed, I guess they are nice. We're still here...

Friday Kai went to the neighbor's house to play with their little boy and later that day he kept muttering something like, "She just left me... I can't believe she left me." I had no idea what he was talking about, but he kept talking about it much of the afternoon. Later that day the little boy's mom called my wife to ask about something and Kai followed her around while she was on the phone saying that he needed to talk to the little boy's mom. Finally my wife grew tired of the pestering and gave the phone to Kai. I guess Kai proceeded to give the little boy's mom a piece of his 3 year old mind -- albeit sounding fairly grown up. Not knowing beforehand what Kai was going to say, I guess my wife quickly took the phone back and apologized to the little boy's mom. Later we learned the rest of the story: Apparently Kai went on a walk with the little boy and his mom and they stopped by our house so Kai could get his bike or something. Kai went in the house and got side-tracked when he ran into a piece of leftover birthday cake. In the meantime, the little boy's mom was left standing outside and my daughter stepped out and told her that it looked like Kai was done playing given his interest in the piece of cake. I guess Kai finished his cake and went back outside only to find the little boy and his mom long gone. I guess it really bothered him... Funny boy.

2008-01-28T21:34:00.000-08:00

Kai Adventures

Last week my wife found Kai skating smoothly across our family room hardwood floor. Seeing he had no socks on she wondered how he was moving so smoothly. On closer inspection she figured it out: Maxi pads. They have sticky tape on one side and are soft and smooth on the other side -- absolutely perfect for attaching to 3 year old feet and hardwood floor "skating."

While my wife's nephew from Korea was here she thought it would be nice to grill him a steak. The steak turned out a little tough and we had some A-1 Steak Sauce on the table. Kai took a couple of bites and then asked my wife to, "Please pass the mistake sauce."

A few weeks ago we were having a conversation about Pizza. I remarked that I liked Papa John's the best. Always an intent listener, Kai picked up on the "Papa John" name and interjected himself into the conversation: "Yeah, but I don't like Sloppy Joes."