Idea Patch

What Age Am I This Time Dad?

2012-02-23T12:52:00.001-08:00

An acquaintance of mine had an opportunity to take his family to Hawaii as part of a work related trip. The resort they were staying at had a playground for but didn’t allow any children under the age of five. My friend’s child was almost, but not quite, five years old. They didn’t want him to not be able to go to the resort or play with their other children so they decided to “fib” a little on his age. Before going to Hawaii they practiced that if anyone asked him how old he was that the correct answer was “five.” They went to the resort, his child was able to enter the playground and no one even asked his age. However, not long after they went to a restaurant as a family and the waitress was trying to be friendly and casually ask the young boy how old he was. He got all nervous and looked at his dad and asked, “Dad, what age am I this time?”

Taxes from a Kindergartener's Perspective

2012-02-18T11:20:00.001-08:00

My Kindergartener regularly raids my laser printer for paper to color and cut. Frequently her raids involve grabbing pages and pages of paper and I end up picking up blank papers all over the house. It happens so frequently I have to remind her just to take enough paper to color.

Well today I was doing my taxes. My state and federal returns together with all the worksheets totaled 109 pages. As I printed this document my Kindergartener walked by and said, "Dad! You're wasting paper! Don't be so naughty."

Yeah sweetie. I agree wholeheartedly.

Check High Speed Police Chase Off the Bucket List

2012-02-06T18:24:00.001-08:00

http://bit.ly/xZW1B4

Lost in Translation: An After Dinner Halls Cough Drop Anyone?

2012-02-04T12:59:00.001-08:00

Today I went to lunch at Spicy Corea, a Korean Restaurant in Provo, Utah. In Korea it is customary for the restauranteur to give you a little mint or candy with your bill. Forget that. How about a little Hall's cough drop with your dinner instead? Mm Mm good. I just love menthol with garlic and red pepper.

Wong to Yick

2012-02-03T16:35:00.001-08:00

Wow! Everything from Wong to Yick all in the same bottle... Just what I needed.

More Kindergarten Trauma

2012-01-24T18:06:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure what they are teaching in school these days... Tonight my kindergartener was all excited when I got home. "Dad! Dad! Dad!" She exclaimed as I walked in the door. "Yes sweetie... What is it?" Her reply: "We can't kiss dogs because they lick their butts!"

"Hmmm. Yes dear. That is true. Ummmm. Good to see you too."

You wouldn't believe the morning I've had.

2012-01-14T10:10:00.001-08:00

I'm confused. Wait maybe I'm not.

Having a mid-life crisis can be fun

2012-01-09T22:02:00.001-08:00

http://youtu.be/c7Mw-1ECv9Q

As I said, this blog is dedicated to the funny stuff…

Cherry 7UP Antioxidant

2012-01-04T10:01:00.001-08:00

And to think this whole time I've been holding back unnecessarily... Thanks to the wonderful antioxidant health benefits of this amazing product, I am restrained no more.

As you can see this is an empty bottle of Cherry 7UP Antioxidant.

More Whole Grain Than Any Other Ingredient

2011-12-31T18:04:00.001-08:00

And after eating a diet rich in Lucky Charms your backside will be more than any other body part...

2011-12-29T10:03:00.001-08:00

What the VERY heck?

It’s interesting to see my five year old, Summer, learn new words. Although I have no idea where she picks up some of the phrases she repeats. For the last couple of weeks she has been infatuated with “What the heck.” It started out as “What the...?” and continued in that format for some time. Fortunately she added “heck.” Otherwise I worry a casual listener would assume she heard the more obvious conclusion to that phrase from yours truly – which let me assure you was definitely not the case. As my wife will certainly attest - I never swear.

Mom: “Time to get ready for school.”

Summer: “What the...?”

Me: “Do you want me to read you a story?”

Summer: “What the...?”

Sister: “Want me to help you pick out your clothes?”

Summer: “What the heck?”

Summer looking at her food: “What the heck?”

Me: “I love you Summer.”

Summer: “What the heck?”

Well, we all know that language usage evolves. Today Summer apparently wanted to add yet additional emphasis to the phrase:

Summer standing in front of the DVD player trying to figure out how to play a movie: “What the VERY heck.”

2011-12-22T14:14:00.000-08:00

Broiled Mexican Whites

So I’ve heard things can be a little tense in Mexico for güeros or blancos - Mexicans of the lighter variety usually because of European descent. (Nacho Libre is a blanco).

I went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch today… I'll think twice before wearing stretchy pants next time I'm in Mexico.

Born Naked? More Kindergarten Trauma

2011-12-06T17:28:00.001-08:00

My five year old experienced untold trauma again this week. She asked my wife what color of clothes she was wearing when she was born. (I really wonder what must have prompted this thought in a kindergartener mind, but I digress...) My wife said, "Oh do you mean what clothes we dressed you in after you were born sweetie?" Her reply: "No. What color of clothes was I wearing when I came out of your tummy?" After a little pause my wife responded, "Sweetie pie, you were born naked."

Well this much is clear. The look on my daughter's face was a cross between pure disbelief and disgust that a mother would dare joke about something like that. "NO I WASN'T!" She insisted. "I was wearing underwear and jammies. Now what color were they?"

At this point what is a parent to say? "Pink. They were pink dear."

2011-11-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

Dog Shoots Man

Wow. Better make sure Fido gets a bone for Christmas… Don't want an upset pooch. Could get ugly.

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=18299091&title=dog-shoots-man

Elevated Toilet Seat - Just in case

2011-11-25T15:47:00.001-08:00

Definitely don’t pay full price if you need one! (And it’s from a smoke free home).

The New SelectHealth Insurance Plan

2011-11-17T16:22:00.001-08:00

We had our annual company health insurance open enrollment meeting today.

So I sorta anticipated a few changes... I guess I just didn't expect my health insurance coverage next year would be 4 bandages. :-)

Wedding Dress - Only Been Worn Twice!

2011-11-15T17:43:00.001-08:00

Hey, third time’s a charm!
Why not hold on to it and give it one more try? J

Occupy Wall Street? Occupy Salt Lake City? Occupy Oakland?

2011-10-27T16:24:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the Original Occupy Movement.

When you really gotta go there is no more beautiful sight!

It Is Drivable and Running!

2011-10-11T13:17:00.001-07:00

If you’re short this might just be your ticket. Bumpers and undercarriage are all fine too!

Attend Health Fair Get a Free Snow Cone!

2011-09-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

... and maybe later the Heber Valley Medical Center will give you a discount on lap band surgery, a tummy tuck, nutrition counseling, or maybe even a buy one get one free deal on insulin injections.

Kindergarten Trauma

2011-09-18T20:56:00.001-07:00

My daughter started kindergarten two weeks ago. One day this week she woke up and said she didn't want to go school. After a few objections she went anyway. The next day she repeated this behavior. The third day she cried and cried and said that she just didn't want to go to school anymore.

My wife and I were worried the teacher or some other kids may have been mistreating my daughter. After some coaxing my wife went to school with my daughter, met with her teacher, and learned the the reason for her trauma: apparently her class had been coloring and cutting pictures and she didn't like cutting straight lines...

I hope we can make it through this...

The Remote Control Comes With 2 AAA Batteries!

2011-09-02T19:40:00.001-07:00

And . . . it is Medically Approved!

Old or New?

2011-08-17T18:48:00.001-07:00

We were chatting at dinner and my teenage daughter brought up how she thought her 17 year old friend was, "so old." My five year old daughter piped in, "Dad, are you old or new?" Well sweetie, that all depends...

Do Not Sit On Fence

2011-08-17T16:46:00.001-07:00

And chances are the guy who would sit on a sharp point probably can't read...

If Necessity Really is the Mother of Invention

2011-08-10T20:47:00.001-07:00

...then ugliness must certainly be a close cousin.

I was reading Popular Science and came across this ad. All I can say is that with a name and a face like that I can see the inspiration to turn to science to get a little more affection from the men folk.